NHL

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本條目的範本實在太少了

所以還是增加移除一些吧。

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這個條目

是一個從英語版翻譯過來的項目。


這是中文翻譯版(包括了一些用自動翻譯程式翻譯出來的奇怪名詞),請順便修正後多加一些惡搞到炸掉的添加物。
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為了讓那些喝中共奶水、吃太多呆丸長大而罹患幽默感退化的人們早日息勞歸主維基百科有一個主題關於:NHL


「兩百磅的肌肉猛男,穿上冰棍球球衣彼此磨來磨去撞來撞去長達三個小時?我有時間幹啥看這鬼玩意?

- 奧斯卡王爾德NHL的說法

「如果教練叫我去守門,我就去守門(反正也沒人守)」

- 破城隊俄羅斯人左翼 Alexander Ovechkin對妓者的私下抱怨


目錄

[編輯] NHL(國家冰棍球兼拿棍子打人邪穢)

國家冰棍球兼拿棍子打人邪穢(The National Hardhat "play with hockey" Ayatollah,which centers around hockey) is a pro sports league best known for fighting, Todd Bertuzzi, the Stanley Cup, fighting, Wayne Gretzky, Trevor Linden, Mike Commodore, the FoxTrax puck, and fighting. It is regarded by many as the worst-run pro sports league in the world, thanks in part to its decision to completely forget its core business (playing ice hockey) in favour of Commissioner Gary Bettman's favoured pastime, arguing. There are three types of fans in the NHL: angsty Edmonton fans, cocky Toronto fans, and the nice, gentle fans of the other 28 teams.

Trevor Linden pwns j00. And he knows this.

[編輯] Why it's better than European Hockey

NHL hockey is better than European hockey, in part because Euros are just pussies (see also: Don Cherry), and in part because it allows fighting. Unfortunately, the instigator rule means that fighters must now seek permission in triplicate from their opponent before punching them in the face (as opposed to the old way, where they could just thump anyone who pissed them off, or really anyone at all). The highlight of any NHL game is a bench-clearing brawl, in which a typical hockey fight spreads, like a vicious and entertaining plague, to everyone in the arena. Unfortunately, the NHL decided that was too much fun, and made it almost impossible to start one, and furthermore replaced it with a shootout in which the euros wouldn't get their asses kicked. Even though Baseball has easily one a week.

[編輯] Divisional structure

The NHL is divided into two conferences and six divisions, as a way of punishing or rewarding the League's various teams based on their relative favour with the current powers-that-be. For example, the Detroit Red Wings get a cushy appointment in the fluffy marshmallow that is the Central Division, while the Edmonton Oilers, for icing one of the worst-ever hockey teams, gets stiffed with the forest of cacti that is the Northwest Division. To make matters worse, teams must play their own division more than ever. This results in Detroit getting about 100 points by Christmas, while all five Northwest Division teams have about 30.

[編輯] The Criminals at large

This is nothing more than a list of the 30 NHL teams.

Anaheim Sucks(安納漢遜咖隊)
Atlanta Trash(亞特懶大廢物隊)
Boston Borings(波士頓認真魔人隊) (occasionally referred to as the Boston Pooh Bears)
Buffalo Slugs (sometimes called the Buffalo Sore Losers, as a tribute to their loyal fans)
Calgary Flamers
Carolina Tropical Depressions
Colorado Snow Flurries
Chicago Dead Hawks(芝加哥死鷹隊)
Columbus Straight Jackets
Dallas Red Dwarfs
Detroit Dead Things(底特律死物隊)
Edmonton Exxon Oil Spills
Florida House Cats(佛羅里達家貓隊)
Los Angeles Peasants
Les Scabitant de Montréal
Minnesota Calm
Nashville Sexual Predators
New Jersey Angels
New York Long Island Fishermen(紐約長島漁夫隊)
New York Ruskies
Ottawa Mayors(渥太華市長隊)
Philadelphia Gagnes
Phoenix House Dogs(鳳凰城家狗隊)
Pittsburgh No way in Hell are we going to Kansas City Penguins
San Jose Sea Bass
St. Louis Redguards(聖路易紅衛兵隊)
Tampa Bay Tasers
Toronto Historical Society Est. 1967
Vancouver Suckerpunchers (温哥华???)
Alexander Ovechkins

Former Teams:

Kansas City Birth Control Pills
Winnipeg Cool Your Jets
Minnesota Northern Lights
Boston Beanpots
Québec Nordic Séparatists

[編輯] You bunch of rookies

Alexander Ovechkin—the heir to the throne of Linden.

At the end of the season, the Chosen Ones, anointed years in advance, and the strongest hangers-on (the Unworthy) play for the Stanley Cup. In the playoffs, roughly anything can happen, which has resulted in recent conference finals resembling the results of a coin-flip or d20 roll. This has had the nasty effect of leaving the Chosen Ones playing golf in May, while the Unworthy getting multiple cracks at the Cup (not that they ever win--they are, after all, Unworthy). The NHL is currently examining legislation that would make this impossible, by allowing players to leave their teams roughly whenever they feel like it, in the hopes that the Chosen Ones will get the hint and sign all the cool players and leave the Unworthy with all the stupid ones. Oh and everybody hates the Montreal Canadiens, especially morons who can't spell their name properly. (that's because we're so fuckin great!)

[編輯] See also

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