There are many different theories as to how tea was invented. The most popular theory goes that a monk was sitting in the grounds of a monastery underneath a tea tree, carefully drinking a bowl of boiling water, when a passing bird defecated in the bowl. In disgust, the monk threw the soiled water vertically into the tree. The water spread through the tree, dripping down onto the now thoroughly pissed off monk. Some of the water, which had now infused itself with the tea leaves, fell directly onto the monk's tongue, leaving the monk with a pleasant taste in his mouth (which helped to counterbalance the searingly intense pain incurred by having a bowlful of boiling hot water splashed all over him). After having been released from hospital, he rushed back to the tea tree with a bucket of boiling hot water (only falling over and scalding himself again twice), and tea as we know it was born. (Incidentally, this is also the origin theory of the delicacy known as bird shit soup.
Another theory goes that tea was used by ninjas as a way of staying awake. This was used after some foolhardy young ninjas tried to cut their eyelids off -- good in theory, but they hadn't foreseen the problems this would cause, i.e. the inability to blink, the drying out of the eyeball, and most severely of all, automatic disqualification from staring contests due to cheating.
Tea has been discovered in many other ways. One day a truck driver was driving down a road and drank too much water, so he had to piss. He went into a forest and pissed on what is now known a tea plant. He had very bad aim and pissed way above his head onto some tea leaves. Some tea was then infused with his piss. The stupid guy had his mouth open and his piss went back into his mouth. But he thought, "That was the best piss I've ever tasted." So he got a bucket and put some tea leaves in it, and pissed in it. He brought it home to his family and they loved it. Later they started a tea company and sold his creation bottled throughout the world. His name was Earl Grey.
The English claim that it was they who in fact invented the principle of tea, although in the olden days, due to a lack of tea trees in England, they used pig toenails boiled in milk instead. Though foul, it helped the development of the English language somewhat. Before the invention of tea, all the English had to talk about was how piss-poor the weather was. Now, they could talk about the piss-poor qualities of their tea as well.
It is also known that otters secrete sub-atomic tea particles (teons) into the water just before making a kill, in an attempt to lull their prey (usually an Englishman that's strayed too near to the riverbank) into a false sense of security. It always works.
The principle of tea was based on the curiosity of what water mixed with food would taste like.
- 沒有人的話，求人不如求己。 (?)
[編輯] 喵兒茶﹝Kitten tea﹞
將小貓靈魂悶在水中，如同一般泡茶的方式。將小貓的靈魂在水中燉煮，如烹茶般的。有些人將喵兒茶看寧願想成是 "忽聞河東貓咪吼" 喵生氣惹kitten huffing！！其他人按照以往的認知，遭遇意外事件例如死亡。
[編輯] 夸瑞威 茶
註："夸瑞威"是Grave的音譯，用其音譯保留其聲情趣味，先賢古德早用此法，近代者"煙士披理純"inspiration(靈感)"淡巴菰"tobaco(菸草)等，古代者有"范特西"fantasy(狂想曲)。 沒有人可以抗拒牛頓的地心引力，沒有人可以抗拒Grave 茶（只有地心引力可以與他相比）
[編輯] Homoerotic Nipple Tea (HNT)
Made from the milk of lactating men or chicks (the chickens). Arnold Schwarzenegger is a prime producer of HNT milk. Does not make men gay, but might make them take up flower arranging, in order to get in touch with their feminine side.
「I am certain that I exist.」
- Reali Tea對a coaster的說法
[編輯] Moon Tea
登陸月球的阿姆斯壯 took a packet of Moon Tea on board Apollo 11 1/2. They never drunk it. The packet of tea is now displayed in the Museum Of Things That Don't Exist, along with Shakespeare's book How to Spell Properly Instead of Making Yourself Look Like a Twit In Uncyclopedia and John F. Kennedy's tutu.
[編輯] Teaspotting Tea
Tea with a spoonful of heroin.
[編輯] Cee Yu-en Tea
A bit fishy, this one.
[編輯] Demonic Moonwizard Tea
這茶冷卻到只高於 絕對零度,因此用次針穿刺它 , 製造茶的爆泡週期. 風行於許多不列顛海邊避暑勝地；尤其 是發生於某些稀少偶發情況；由於天氣使然，使這茶變得只高於絕對零度。
[編輯] Battered Tea榨乾彆茶
[編輯] Beer Tea
Understandably, the best selling brand of tea in the world, ever. Anyone who has never tasted the cool, refreshing blend of tea and beer before is - and let's face it, everybody knows this - a big fat loser.
[編輯] Bread Tea
[編輯] Jewish Tea
Exactly the same as ordinary tea, only with a beard.
[編輯] Tea that is not unwelcome within the streets of Babylon
[編輯] Dead Tea
反茶（符號︰-T）用於[反物質]反應。理論上說︰如果茶的粒子與反茶的粒子相碰撞，將會發生劇烈的爆炸，並且兩者互相抵消（湮沒）。, say, Essex, and possibly the Isle of Sheppey too.
[編輯] Goat Tea
Tea that has been drained through the wool of Welsh mountain goats, then drizzled with grated cheese and a bit of Worcestershire sauce. Only 109 people have died of goat tea consumption so far this year, the lowest figure for several centuries.
[編輯] T-Shirt Tea
Tea that has been dripped on a T-shirt, then wringed out back into the kettle. Very popular with airlines.
[編輯] Tea Inspired By The Epic Swordfight Between The Mole Prince And The Deadly Assassin
In cinemas near you NOW! (15 certificate)
[編輯] Fractal Tea
Tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea containing tea...
[編輯] Spit Tea
It's done by spitting in your own tea.
[編輯] Umpire Tea
Tea that only tastes nice if you hit it over the boundary. Otherwise, it gives you the runs.
以上說法適合不求甚解的普羅大眾。荀子曾說：「 茶，咖啡為之而苦於咖啡。 ←→ 咖啡，茶為之而苦於茶。」( 萃取法為之精煉 →← 介面活性為之媒介)
Tea made from coffee. Or possibly coffee made from tea. Either way, it tastes exactly like tea mixed with coffee, with a bit of Dandelion & Burdock mixed in there too for good measure.
[編輯] Necessi Tea
The most needed tea across the entire world.
「It's good to feel wanted」
- Necessi Tea對Itself的說法
[編輯] Sunset Rose Tea
Tea containing ridiculous amounts of sunlight and roses with a hint of spiciness. This flavor of tea is the best-seller among many tea-dealers and/or tea-pirates.
[編輯] Spoon Tea
Tea that still has the spoon left in it, hence making eye-pokage a very real possibility. As found in ophthalmologist waiting rooms everywhere.
[編輯] Otter Tea
Tea made from otter fur. Very difficult to get hold of, due to the dangerous nature of the average otter.
S.H.I茶是超熱導體茶(Super Heated Induction)的縮寫。比太陽還熱，用於茶融合（見以下）
Nest-Tea is a type of low quality tea manufactured by the Nest-Lee corporation. Nest-Tea is made from the nests of tropical birds rather than tea leaves to reduce the cost of manufacturing prices. The Nest-Lee corporation also produces Nest-Cafe, a type of coffee made from birds' nests.
[編輯] Curiosi Tea
An unusual and fascinating tea variety, now known to be fatal to cats.
[編輯] Tea Leoni
[編輯] German Der Herr's Tea
Primarily made of saucages and sauerkraut, sometimes with a touch of nazi-essence.
Also known as Teh Brandburger Tea Tor
(Note: Spell properly, moron)
[編輯] Tea Rex
A tea that existed on Earth long before mankind came about. Christians believe that recipes for Tea Rex were placed here by the Devil to trick people, because the Bible didn't say anything about Tea Rex.
This is a special kind of tea that has two tea bags, two table spoons of sugar served in a skanky but rinsed cup.
[編輯] Go Tea
A delicious tea as well as a fashionable facial hair.
名稱可不是那俗氣的 T-Bone（丁骨牛排），而是 Tea-Bone（茶骨牛排）呢！這是一種從茶的骨頭當中烹調出來的美味牛排。
[編輯] Eterni Tea不朽之茶
A tea that never ends! 茶 是 永不止息。（贊曰︰茶是恆久忍耐又有恩慈，茶是不嫉妒，茶是不自誇不張狂，不做害羞的事，不求自己的益處，不輕易發怒，不相信不義，只喜歡真理。凡事相信凡事忍耐，凡事要忍耐，茶 是 永不止息。）
[編輯] OICAQ Tea
Tea that looks rather attractive, this is sadly however extinct
[編輯] Gods urine (眾神之溺)
The grandfather of all tea, and in case your wondering.... yes Coffee is the opposite; we'll leave it there. 眾茶之祖，你抱著高度的好奇....咖啡正好相反；我們聽任其存在。
[編輯] Tea Fusion
- 在波蘭，基於波蘭的貿易保護法，茶這種東西是被禁用的（她們每年都必須禁十樣東西，以防國內純真無邪的美少女國民們被欺負）。下一個預定被禁的東西是巴爾莎木（Balsa wood）。